Mark Li

03-06-2023

On the topic of the well-behavedness of a child, the determinator or the yardstick was found to be not directly linked to the child’s ability, or the child’s moral compass, but the frequency of being in a conflict. If the child gets into trouble in school, or has conflict with its parents, siblings or peers, it is conventionally regarded as naughty or not well-behaved. Yet commonly, the judgement of the child being naughty is associated with the child itself, but not the external factors, the environment it is put in, or the situation it is facing. The perspective of parenting needs to change, for in most cases the child is not irrational or unreasonable, but merely was put in the situation. 

To further elaborate on the construction of conflict, conflict was, in essence, a conflict of interest. In the case of the child-parent relationship, the most common occurrence was unsatisfied desire. In a typical example, the child was presented with a candy, and based on its biological tendencies, it develops first an unconscious desire to acquire the candy, then a conscious one. The desire motivates the child to move its hands to get the candy. The parent then either moves the candy to a position out of reach of the child, refrains the child from getting the candy verbally or physically, or the candy was out of reach from the child the entire time. Then, the child starts to cry, or scramble for the candy. And the parent either tries to explain the reason for not having the candy, or punishes the misbehaviour of the child. 

The action of the parent in this situation is unjust and unreasonable, as the child was merely following the motive that it is given, biologically and environmentally. The way to educate the child, or to change its behaviour is not to force it to not act as it desires, as throughout the lifespan of the child, it will be counterproductive to train the child not to respond to its desire, as it would not be passionate or compassionate in the long run as both require the basic urge to respond to one’s desire. One has to literate the child first, to enlighten the child first as to educate the limits of our desire-al drive and to introduce higher values, morals and virtues. And in the meantime the child was yet to be literate, careful not to alter the pureness and freshness of the innocent soul, but to alter the environment to suit the soul, to avoid such conflict of interest. Not only “put it out of reach of children”, but to put it out of the perception of the child, and introduce the substance in context if needed, to let the one educated, to be informed about the certain dangers of its possible choices, but not to set boundaries according to authority or scare it away from the terrible fears of the unknown or exaggeration. Provide it with the information to make the decision, or to eliminate any sources or misinformation that will possibly lead to the dangers it may cause itself. That’s the optimal way, not to present the vivid appeal of the abyss and then to refrain it from jumping into it. 

And to those parents, parents-to-be, and educators of the future generation, be considerate, not considerate for the future as a whole or the well-being of the social structure, but to the individual, to the very young lives that will be put into your hands and your hands alone, treat them not as a whole, but individual delicate souls that possibility was to be limited by your teachings and actions, choose wisely, act wisely, as the world might be not as different in the eyes of any other, but in the eyes of the soul in your hand, the world under its eyes is yours in the making, the perspective will be yours to create and any mismanagement will be yours to blame. So, tread lightly and with the greatest humbleness, for it is a precious soul that the great order has put you in charge of.